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"Cowboy Ken"
The name was Ken. The occupation
was cowboy. Naked cowboy that is. He would have preferred to wear cloths with
his spurs… but the money was better when he was in the buff. The women (and a
few real twisted men) liked the “natural” look. Ken had a big saddle horn.
Bigger than most, but fully functional. As any real cowboy will tell you…
it’s not the size of the horn… it’s how often to you need to grab it.
Ken wasn’t a grabber. He could stay on any ride with the skilled use of his
legs. Pressure of the knee here, a shifting of the weight there, and he was the
man in control. Oddly enough, most of the bulls he rode responded and (oddly)
respected his riding style. All but one that is. His name was Daisy (and he
didn’t like the name that much) and hated even more the wild rugged style that
Ken so expertly exhibited when ridding bulls.
I know… your asking yourself “how could Ken ride a bull in the buff?
Wouldn’t that cause chafing or saddle burn or something equally painful?”
The answer is yes… but Ken was the sort of guy who got off (or stayed on the
bull) on pain. Daisy was upset. Ken was excited (it showed) as he mounted Daisy.
He grabbed the rope, held on to his hat (the man has style) and gave the go
“nod” to the gate keeper. The door swung open.
As 350 women took to their feet, Ken took to the center of the arena with spurs
spurring, hat snuggly on his head and ridding crop swinging from left to right
(use your imagination). Women were impressed, men humbled and young children
confused by the movement of the saddle horn when Ken wasn’t even using a
saddle (I’ll get back to that).
As you are no doubt aware… the measure of the ride is tracked in seconds. All
Ken had to do was stay in control for 6 seconds more and he would be the state
champion. Daisy knew that all she had to do was throw Ken off and she/he would
be allowed to breed with all the cows back on the farm. They both had incentive,
they both looked for the brass ring.
Ken was riding… but bull was bucking… meat was flopping and the women were
swooning. Big Ken (a well deserved nick name) was 2 seconds from a life long
dream. Ken was excited. It showed. Daisy noticed and was concerned (EEO, EPA and
OSHA awareness). The 350 women noticed and became vocal. Ken’s wife saw. Ken
saw his wife see. Ken was dead meat as Daisy blasted him into the $2.00 seats.
As Ken was fondled by the 12 women he landed in the middle of… he thought
about the dream he ‘almost had.’ He also thought of what his wife would do
to him when she got her hands on him. He also thought about the 24 hands on him
(take a few seconds at this time… and reflect).
Daisy entered the cattle car as he had done so many times before, but this time
it was different. There at the front of the car was bossy cow and she wore the
sign “got milk?” Daisy didn’t have milk but Daisy did have reason for
bossy to be concerned. Ken on the other had was never heard of again on the
rodeo circuit. Some say it was an injury. Some say it was time for Ken to time
to retire. Those in the “know” knew that Ken’s saddle horn had been
removed and placed above the fireplace. Ken went off to be a Mod God at SG where
he can be found today reliving events from days gone by.
The End